his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
