She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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