She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
