so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
