just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
