I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
