i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
