Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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