i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
