dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
