then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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