are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
either way he was missing a nipple.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
