I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
