I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
whose parrot is this?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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