whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
