He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
