Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
