You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
