At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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