you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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