you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
