I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
