i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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