you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
