your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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