You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
