I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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