I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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