The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
