Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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