everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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