I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
