If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
