I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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