I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
