we're blogging at a bar
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
