mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
