my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
