I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
