is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
