Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
