dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
