these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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