Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
