oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
