found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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