Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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