And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
