Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
