Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
