I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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