Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
