At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
